Anyone who thinks they might be (or would like to nominate someone else to be) my NEW GIRLFRIEND, apply here by filling in the following form:
Name: [] yes [] no
Age: [] over 18 [] over 81
Today's Date: ________. Yesterday's Date: _________.
Occupation: [] monkey trainer [] Other (please explain) __________________.
Born: [] yes [] no
Eyes: [] 2 [] other
Height: _____ fl. oz.
Last time you had a haircut: _______
Reason: ___________________________________.
Race: [] human [] horse [] vulcan [] other (explain).
IQ: [] 150-200 [] 200-250 [] 250-300 [] Over 300.
Education: (circle highest grade completed) 1 2 3 4 5 6 over 6th.
Work History: List every job held since 1984 from which you have been fired.
Medical: In a separate e-mail (subject: "Confidential") list all major psychotic episodes experienced within the last 24 hours.
Sneaky Questions To Establish Personality:
I would rather... a.) live in an outhouse, b.) play in a rock group, c.) eat a caterpillar.
I wear obscene tattoos because _______________________________.
I have ceased raping little children [] yes [] no
Reason: _______________________________________.
Self Portrait:
Essay: In 500 words or less, explain why you should be St. Bastard's New Girlfriend.
