The Perfect Job.

So, I have a new job. I had talked about it for a while, but now it's Officially Official.

I am now employed in California with EA Games. Electronic Arts (for those of you who don't know) makes such fine video games as "Fight Night," "Madden NFL," and "The Sims." They make sports games and shoot-'em-up games and racing games and sim games and all sorts of stuff.

And they pay me to play them.

I'll repeat this part of the show for the cheap seats: EA pays me to play video games.

Yes, seriously. So, for all you A.D.D. kids whose parents told you that "You can't make a living playing video games!" -- well, yeah, actually you can.

Also -- and this is my favorite part -- there's no dress code. I can wear whatever t-shirt is handy, throw on a hat and even wear my kilt if I like, and no one says shit. I'm growing my hair out long and a beard again, just 'cause I can.

Oh, and my shift starts at 6:30. At night.

This leaves my days free for auditions, memorizing scripts, writing Oscar-winning screenplays, being on TV, filming movies, being stalked by the paparazzi, having sex with hot young starlets, and basically going about being the huge celebrity I am destined to be.

And then I get a paycheck for it.

Yep. Just living the fuckin' dream... I know.


And that's the Gospel... according to St. Bastard.