Anyone who thinks they might be (or would like to nominate someone else to be) my NEW GIRLFRIEND, apply here by filling in the following form:
Name: [] yes [] no
Age: [] over 18 [] over 81
Today's Date: ________. Yesterday's Date: _________.
Occupation: [] monkey trainer [] Other (please explain) __________________.
Born: [] yes [] no
Eyes: [] 2 [] other
Height: _____ fl. oz.
Last time you had a haircut: _______
Reason: ___________________________________.
Race: [] human [] horse [] vulcan [] other (explain).
IQ: [] 150-200 [] 200-250 [] 250-300 [] Over 300.
Education: (circle highest grade completed) 1 2 3 4 5 6 over 6th.
Work History: List every job held since 1984 from which you have been fired.
Medical: In a separate e-mail (subject: "Confidential") list all major psychotic episodes experienced within the last 24 hours.
Sneaky Questions To Establish Personality:
I would rather... a.) live in an outhouse, b.) play in a rock group, c.) eat a caterpillar.
I wear obscene tattoos because _______________________________.
I have ceased raping little children [] yes [] no
Reason: _______________________________________.
Self Portrait:
Essay: In 500 words or less, explain why you should be St. Bastard's New Girlfriend.
2 comments:
Name: [x] yes [] no
Age: [x] over 18 [] over 81
Today's Date: 11/12/07. Yesterday's Date: 11/11/07.
Occupation: [] monkey trainer [] Other (please explain) jack-of-all-trades aka everyone's bitch.
Born: [x] yes [] no
Eyes: [x] 2 [] other
Height: 16 fl. oz.
Last time you had a haircut: last year?
Reason: It was too long and it was time.
Race: [x] human [] horse [] vulcan [] other (explain).
IQ: [] 150-200 [] 200-250 [x] 250-300 [] Over 300.
Education: (circle highest grade completed) 1 2 3 4 5 6 over 6th.
Work History: List every job held since 1984 from which you have been fired.
n/a
Medical: In a separate e-mail (subject: "Confidential") list all major psychotic episodes experienced within the last 24 hours.
Sneaky Questions To Establish Personality:
I would rather... a.) live in an outhouse, b.) play in a rock group, c.) eat a caterpillar.
b. can I be the girl banging the tambourine and the lead singer?
I wear obscene tattoos because I can.
I have ceased raping little children [x] yes [] no
Reason: Little penises aren't very satisfying, except for actually using those tiny novelty condoms.
Self Portrait:
me
Essay: In 500 words or less, explain why you should be St. Bastard's New Girlfriend.
Well to start off, I'm dangerously cute and am pocket-sized; you can take anywhere and everywhere! I'm generally in a good mood and have very bubbly persona. I occasionally will do your laundry, bake things for you, and do any other random "wifey" things for you. I've been told I'm a good kisser. Vote for me!
Hmmm... A strong leader emerges from the pack.
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